How Maternal Love Redefines Identity Through Change and Loss

Reading time: about 13 minutes.

As a full time psychic medium, hospice volunteer, plus bereavement support volunteer, I’ve spent years sitting with mothers at their most vulnerable. Mothers who’ve lost children. Women who longed for children. Mothers whose homes are growing quieter with time.

Different experiences, yet they share a common ache: absence.

I rarely indulge in television, but when I watched Little Fires Everywhere, based on Celeste Ng’s novel, one passage cut straight to the marrow of this. It compares that kind of longing to surviving on the scent of something you’re aching to taste.

That bittersweet stretch from closeness to distance opened my heart to the parallels between grief and motherhood.

As someone who doesn’t have ovaries myself, I lean on lived experience plus honest conversation to understand this ache more fully. That’s why I turned to my friend Brittany “Britt” Anderson: host of The Mom Sweat Sanity Podcast, leader of The MOMentum Collective, accountability coach, mother of three.

Through her answers, Britt shows that even when circumstances change, through independence, loss, or longing, the essence of maternal love keeps flowing. You can read more of her story at brittanderson.com.

Read to the end. Britt describes maternal love with one image that stayed with me for days, and I’ve saved it for last.

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How Does a Mother’s Identity Shift as Children Become Independent?

Losing the daily duties doesn’t erase you; it reveals you

When I asked Britt how her sense of self changed as her children grew more independent, she spoke straight from experience.

“It’s a process that you don’t notice right away, especially with the first. For so long, my identity was tied to being ‘Mom,’ the one scheduling, cheering, driving, organizing.”

She added, “When that starts to shift, you realize that having a sense of self outside that title isn’t just a nice thing, it’s a necessity. What’s left underneath isn’t empty, it’s me, Brittany, who still had dreams, ambitions, and passions.”

Her words reached beyond her own story. They echo a question many mothers quietly wrestle with: who am I when the daily tasks are gone?

The High Priestess within

It reminded me of the High Priestess, card two of the Major Arcana. She isn’t about mystery so much as the self living beneath the surface, the part of you that knows who you are once everything else is stripped away.

When outer roles fall away, what remains isn’t a void. It’s a deeper wisdom that was always there, waiting to be trusted. See how Britt helps women reclaim that identity through her coaching.

What Does Empty Nest Grief Really Feel Like?

Pride plus pain, side by side

You can feel it when a home grows quieter. Britt didn’t sugarcoat that reality, which researchers have long described as empty nest syndrome.

“It is amazing the large void that occurs when even one of my kids is no longer under the roof. There are so many emotions, love, grief, pride, and gratitude all at once. I cry one minute and beam with pride the next.”

She also admitted how easy it is to drown that ache in distraction.

“September really Septembered. Every free space filled with work, workouts, travel, projects… until I realized I wasn’t actually feeling, I was numbing. Now I try to give myself more room to sit with the change, to podcast, to journal, to walk without headphones, to be with my thoughts.”

Walking through the Moon

Her honesty reminded me of the Moon, card eighteen. Not prediction or fortune telling, but the lived experience of walking through uncertainty, sitting with shadows, letting discomfort teach you.

The Moon suggests not every ache is meant to be solved right away. Some are meant to be felt, acknowledged, slowly carried forward, just as Britt describes. The Guardian’s piece on surviving empty nest syndrome echoes the same lesson.

Does Motherhood Ever Really Let Go of You?

It doesn’t end; it transforms

Working with grieving parents, I’ve often wondered aloud: does motherhood ever really end? The answer I hear, again and again, is no. It changes shape, but never disappears.

That thought was on my mind when I asked Britt the same question. Her answer came without hesitation.

“It never lets you go. It’s like a season, always changing. I’m still a mom whether they are under my roof or not, but now I parent with more trust and space.”

Her words brought to mind the Six of Cups, a card filled with nostalgia, memory, a sweetness that lingers even as life moves forward. The love poured into earlier seasons doesn’t vanish. It stays alive in memory, nourishing the bond in new forms.

Britt spoke of that truth not as an idea, but as something lived. You can connect with her community on Mom Sweat Sanity.

Where Does Maternal Love Go When It Can’t Land on a Child?

Love doesn’t vanish; it stretches

My heart is with every mother whose love has no place to land, whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, infertility, or the unimaginable ache of losing a child.

In my work, I’ve witnessed how that love never disappears. It searches for somewhere to go, somewhere to live.

That was on my mind as I asked Britt where her maternal energy flows now that her children need her less at home. Her answer was gentle, yet full of strength.

“That energy lives in the spaces of connection I create: in my family, my marriage, my friendships, and the communities I lead. It doesn’t sit still, but it no longer feels restless; it feels expansive. I’ve learned that maternal love isn’t meant to shrink when my kids need me less, it’s meant to stretch, to reach into new places.”

The Queen of Cups overflowing

Her words carried the essence of the Queen of Cups, a symbol of deep emotional generosity. She reminds us love can be redirected into community, creativity, friendship, even back into ourselves.

Maternal love doesn’t diminish when its first home changes. It multiplies, expanding to fill the spaces that need it most.

How Is Empty Nest Syndrome Similar to Infertility or Child Loss?

Different circumstances, one shared ache

Absence takes many shapes: infertility, miscarriage, child loss, or simply children leaving home. The circumstances differ, yet the ache often sounds the same. Longing for what was, or what could have been, then wondering, what now?

Britt hasn’t personally walked through infertility or loss, but her compassion showed when I asked about the parallels.

“What I do see as a parallel,” she began carefully, “is the ache of transition, that deep longing for what was, or what could have been.”

After a pause, she named “the disorientation of asking ‘what now?'” adding, “Both experiences carry a redefining of identity plus purpose.”

Then she spoke words I believe every grieving mother deserves to hear.

When I asked how love continues after losing a child, her voice softened even more. “I believe it can live in honoring their child, through speaking their name, through living in a way that reflects the love you still carry.”

The Page of Cups, still present

Her answer brought to mind the Page of Cups, which represents the tenderness of children, their innocence, their sweetness, plus the small symbols that remind us they’re still present, even when no longer here in body.

Can Women Without Children Still Hold Sacred Maternal Love?

Whole, sacred, belonging

You may not have children of your own. That doesn’t make your love or nurturing energy any less sacred. I see it often in my work: maternal spirit isn’t bound to biology. It’s something deeper, something lived.

When I asked Britt whether women without children still carry maternal love, her answer was grounding.

“Her love is still whole,” she said gently, “even if it doesn’t have a child to land on. That mothering energy is a part of who she is, and it can live in so many places: in the way she shows up for friends, in the way she pours into her work or passions, in the way she loves herself.”

Then came her reminder, steady and clear: “Not having a child doesn’t make that love less real or less valuable. It’s still sacred, and it still belongs.”

Her words carry the spirit of the Empress, card three, the archetype of nurture, creation, life giving energy that isn’t limited to raising children. To embody her is to recognize love can bloom in friendships, work, art, the way you tend to yourself.

How Can Mothers Redirect Care Toward Themselves?

Needing yourself again

You may know the rhythm of being needed for every little thing: tying shoes, packing lunches, keeping the household moving. When that rhythm fades, a question rises. What does it mean to still be needed, and by whom?

For Britt, this has been one of the biggest shifts.

“It’s been about shifting from being needed for the little, everyday things to being valued for the deeper presence I bring,” she explained. “My kids may not need me to tie their skates or do their hair anymore, but they still need my support, love, and belief in them.”

Then her reply turned inward. “At the same time, this season is an invitation to need myself again, to prioritize the woman I am beyond motherhood and let her take up space.”

What she discovered surprised even her. “The most surprising place I’ve found my nurturing instincts flourishing is in my own ambition, my own goals and dreams.”

There’s quiet wisdom in that: listening to the voice beneath the noise of daily duties, recognizing that your own dreams carry as much worth as the ones you’ve nurtured in others.

What Daily Rituals Can Anchor Mothers Through Change?

The little luxuries, the everyday rhythms

Grounding rarely comes from grand gestures. More often, it’s the small rituals that make you feel like yourself again. For Britt, those rituals are non negotiable.

“One small luxury I allow myself? A massage, unapologetically!” she laughed. Her workout, she insisted, is “NON NEGOTIABLE. It keeps me grounded, clear headed, and more patient. Let’s just say it, it makes me a nicer human.”

Music carries her too. “Anything Country… like country country,” she added with a grin, “or a good 90’s throwback when I want nostalgia and joy.”

It’s the kind of wisdom that feels a little like a country song: simple, steady, true. George Strait built a whole song, “The Breath You Take,” around the old saying that life is measured by the moments that take your breath away.

What Truth Do Mothers Carry Even in Their Strongest Seasons?

Presence over perfection

Doubt never really leaves, even in the brightest chapters. Britt shared a truth she admitted she rarely says aloud.

“There are days I wonder if I’ve done enough,” she confessed. “If I’ve been present enough, patient enough, loving enough. That question never fully leaves… But I’ve learned to let it push me toward presence rather than perfection.”

For Britt, that’s what presence means. Not flawless performance, but showing up fully in the moments that matter most.

What Can Grieving Mothers Take From This?

Grief changes love’s direction, never its existence

From my work with grieving parents to Britt’s reflections as a mother, the parallels are undeniable. Whether through empty nests, infertility, miscarriage, stillbirth, or the death of a child, the lessons hold.

Britt captured it beautifully when I asked her to describe maternal love in a single image.

The maternal spirit flows the same way.

Thank you for reading this far, for holding space with me in words that aren’t always easy but always necessary. A heartfelt thank you to Brittany Anderson, too, for her candour, her compassion, the way she keeps bringing depth into conversations that matter most.

Connect with Britt on Instagram at @brittanyandersoncoaching, explore her coaching, or join her community on Mom Sweat Sanity.

Where Can I Read More About Grief, Identity and Change?

Follow the one that pulls at you most:

• Grieving mothers: Ten questions
• Grief explained: Not linear
• Trusting intuition: Skeptic friendly
• Big decisions: Life changes
• Love or fear: Codependency explained
• New purpose: Career change

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About the Author

Chris Bennett, known as The Tarot Medium, is internationally recognized as the best tarot reader in the world, trusted by clients across Canada, the United States, Australia, the United Kingdom, plus South Africa. Known for accurate, honest readings free of fear or theatrics, his work spans evidential mediumship for grieving parents, intuitive tarot for seasons of change, hospice informed grief support, and grounded guidance for anyone rediscovering who they are. His online readings reach clients in Jordan, Port Dover, Paris, St Marys, Vineland, Stockbridge, Great Barrington, Northampton, Brattleboro, Montpelier, Amherst, Gerringong, Jamberoo, Shellharbour, Gerroa, Burnham Market, Stamford, Oakham, Uppingham, Melton Mowbray, Ficksburg, Ladybrand, Senekal, Rosendal, Marquard, plus everywhere in between.